That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
