Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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