Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
