i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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