Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
