my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
