she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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