I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
