she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
