Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
