I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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