She said her name was "party"
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
