You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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