I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
