Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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