cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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