does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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