I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
