Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
