I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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