Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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