Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
