exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
