4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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