Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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