I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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