i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
