and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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