dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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