He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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