Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
