So gin and wine won't be happening again
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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