well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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