Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
