Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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