I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
