i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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