It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
