She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
