we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
