I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So vagazzling was a success
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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