is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
