The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
