Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
