Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
