tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
