apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he fucked my hip out of place.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i think my cat just said my name.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
