I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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