if i can run in heels then i can drive
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
