OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
